We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Barsexuality is the new black.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
