I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the condom got lost in my hair
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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