it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
