We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Randomize
