the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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