new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
