Sponge bath it is.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Still dying that you shit outside
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
