He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
