Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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