ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
