I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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