I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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