There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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