meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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