he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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