Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
