I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
