Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
two words: eviction party
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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