I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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