Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
