Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
