have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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