1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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