operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
