he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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