hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Randomize
