just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
