I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
