Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
