I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
