so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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