This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I need a beard to bite.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize