Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
