Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
