thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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