so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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