You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
