i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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