gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize