I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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