We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
