All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize