girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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