on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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