This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
