found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
