The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
