So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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