When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
