Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
