Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So much rum. So many feels.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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