i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
