You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize