your thong is hanging out like whoa
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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