Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
you never un-have a 4some
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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