I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize