Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk is not a location!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
