Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
