you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
