Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
