We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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