Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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