Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
