i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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