Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
