What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
