we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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