I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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