He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
