Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
