your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have aggressive nipples.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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