So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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