guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
