He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
