I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
