Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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