I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
