Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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