I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
