Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
