Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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