it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
