Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
