you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
