you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
