If i come over, it means nothing
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
