It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
