Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
