someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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