I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
