I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't deserve a penis
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
