You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize