When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
