she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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