I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
