Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
