Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
