I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize