We won't sleep together?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
