I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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