Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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